When I was young there was a lot of verbal abuse and anger in our home. Negative attitudes and hurtful words were expressed to me and to others in my presence. These outbursts scared me. I became so afraid, that when someone would accuse me of something I had done, I would just deny it because I didn’t want to experience another outburst. I became a very quiet person. When I went to school, I was made fun of a lot which made me feel rejected and worthless. This locked my heart even tighter.
I met my wife and we married. I couldn’t lead because I lacked confidence and was afraid of rejection. My mom was a dominant person who tried to control. She told dad what to do. I was afraid of Dad’s anger and Mom’s controlling nature. When I should have been learning to lead and communicate, my heart was locked and I couldn’t. Now, as a husband, I couldn’t share my heart with my wife. I didn’t know how to meet my wife’s spiritual needs, causing pain and frustration for both of us.
When she would pressure me to lead in our home, I felt controlled and dominated. My heart locked and I would leave the house just as I had done when my mother would pressure me.
When our children were older, we had problems that led us to Grace Haven. We were led in prayers to Jesus and experienced his forgiveness, love, closeness, and an emotional connection to each other that we had never experienced before. The peace I felt afterward was great! I also have noticed that when I read the Bible, I can understand it like never before.