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When I was young there was a lot of verbal abuse and anger in our home. Negative attitudes and hurtful words were expressed to me and to others in my presence. These outbursts scared me. I became so afraid, that when someone would accuse me of something I had done, I would just deny it because I didn’t want to experience another outburst. I became a very quiet person. When I went to school, I was made fun of a lot which made me feel rejected and worthless. This locked my heart even tighter.

I met my wife and we married. I couldn’t lead because I lacked confidence and was afraid of rejection. My mom was a dominant person who tried to control. She told dad what to do. I was afraid of Dad’s anger and Mom’s controlling nature. When I should have been learning to lead and communicate, my heart was locked and I couldn’t. Now, as a husband, I couldn’t share my heart with my wife. I didn’t know how to meet my wife’s spiritual needs, causing pain and frustration for both of us.

When she would pressure me to lead in our home, I felt controlled and dominated. My heart locked and I would leave the house just as I had done when my mother would pressure me.
When our children were older, we had problems that led us to Grace Haven. We were led in prayers to Jesus and experienced his forgiveness, love, closeness, and an emotional connection to each other that we had never experienced before. The peace I felt afterward was great! I also have noticed that when I read the Bible, I can understand it like never before. 
"I was a sensitive little girl. I would cringe under Dad’s harsh words. I became very afraid of men, a raised voice would make me lock up. This made me view God as harsh.  I turned Dad’s negative critical words into feelings of rejection and fear of not being good enough. Because of this, I always wanted to please everyone. I received approval through performance. If I could do something for someone, even if I neglected my family, I felt like I was okay. Working made me feel good about myself. I became a “Martha”.

When I got married, I had all of these ideas of what marriage should be. My husband and I came from two completely different families. My dad was a strong leader. My husband didn’t lead like I thought he should. If I didn’t agree with him, or didn’t like how he was leading, I would step in. This caused him to feel very frustrated, angry, and rejected. He would walk out of the house not saying anything or sometimes saying hurtful words. I was then frustrated, angry, and hurt that we could never talk about our problems. Our inability to communicate looked like a big mountain that wasn’t going to move. I didn’t realize that by criticizing his leadership I was stepping on his painful feelings of rejection.

At Grace Haven, we were walked through prayers to resolve the issues that caused the problems we were facing. We began understanding how to care for each other instead of hurting each other.  After praying through many issues and unlocking our hearts, we felt very free and peaceful. We had no idea what pain in childhood could do to us in later years. I realized that God is not harsh, but full of love. Learning how to listen and understand my husband’s feelings has caused him to open up and talk, making me feel loved and cared for by him too."
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"The counselor did a great job accepting us and helping us identify our problems. He understood our problems and helped us understand. He led us in a process of resolving our issues and gave us tools to continue to resolve those issues and dwell on higher ground. Praise the Lord!"
I grew up in a Christian home.  I wasn’t very old until I knew I needed a Savior.  I heard quite a bit about Jesus at school in Bible class, but for the most part, I lived in fear.  Fear that I could never be good enough, or able to do anything right for anyone.  My dad was an alcoholic and I know that is where some of my fear came from.  I just could not measure up to what I thought I should be. 

I accepted Jesus as my Savior and was baptized, but some things just weren’t clear.  I had no idea what to do about it except blame myself, thinking, I’m not good enough, or just not doing something right.

We got married and had a good marriage for the most part, but I blamed my husband for not being what I needed.

We heard about Grace Haven and decided that maybe we could get help, so we went.  We discovered that we weren’t emotionally connecting at all.  We both had so many deep hurts from our past that had to be taken care of.  After working through those, and continuing to work through them we are connecting.  God is so good!

I am discovering new feelings for my husband and I love it.  I know this whole cleaning out process is something I need to continue to work on as long as I live.

I praise God for His Word and Holy Spirit in teaching me His will for my life.  I also praise Him for the tools we have been handed, knowing how to deal with things we face from day to day.

A Wife Shares Her Story
Biblical Renewal Ministries, Inc.
GRACE HAVEN
GRACE HAVEN
Biblical Renewal Ministries, Inc.